Dear Cancer,

Some days I just don't want to wake up anymore, the nightmare that is my life has become worse than anything my corrupt mind could dream up. Uncertainty, frustration, fear, scary uncaring people, everything around me falling apart, it is all here in reality. Have you ever had that dream that you are falling off a cliff and than you wake up right before SPLAT! Well I am trying to wake up! I actually was thinking today what if I did just go SPLAT! No I am not suicidal, I again, don't need an intervention, I am just as always working out some feelings. All I do is worry and cry anymore, my boss is even scared to talk to me because all I do is cry. I can't concentrate on work because I cry, when I am with Michael I hold in the tears and worry worry worry and than as soon as I get away from him I cry!!

I don't feel strong anymore, I feel like everything is unfixable, I feel like I will never have any sort of a life back. If we beat this cancer than what, we start to rebuild I guess, but how and than what if it comes back, I know the chances of it coming back are greater than it not coming back and I know that if it does come back than the chances of chemo working again are even smaller.

Fuck you cancer, fuck you! fuck you! fuck you! You have taken everything good away, fuck you again! We were happy, we had a reason to smile and fuck you! You stole it from us, took away our happy! I know I should be grateful that he is alive, we caught it and he is fighting, I should be, but I am not, I don't want any part of you. Fuck you Cancer! I hate you; I wish you were tangible so I could kill you!

You need to go hell and burn! You have made my life hell and I hate you! You are worse than any scary movie, any bad dream or any other stress I have known. I can not escape you, you piece of shit! I hate you! You are there in my dreams, when I wake up and everything I do or don't do reminds me of you!

You make me angry! You are fucking with my kids; their security and well being and NO ONE or NOTHING fucks with my kids! You tear apart families, relationships, you make me sick and you make him sick! Nothing about you is good; you can not be transformed in to anything useful. You have no positive purpose. All you do is ruin everything you come in contact with. I don't even know who I am anymore. I have turned in to an angry pissed off person lately and I try to snap out of it, I try to be better than you! I want to be better than you, I should be better than you!

Again fuck you cancer, that is all and don't bother writing back, you say enough by just being present in my life!

From the bottom of my heart,
The bitch who hates you!