For Hire, Body doubles

     I woke this morning after maybe 3 hours of sleep, eyes swollen so bad I could barely crack them open and they burn to. My head feels like a fat man is stepping on it. My body screams for some attention. I can't do it today, My husband had a bad night, no doubt brought on by his inability to just walk away from the ignorance that is his family. He has to argue with them, he thinks they will change or they will just all the sudden decide he is a priority or worth more than a dollar. His counts are down instead of up, he is out of it completely, and devistated at what his life has become, he was supposed to get out of the hospital today, but that is not going to happen.

     Meredith is sick, fever, throwing up, headach, is it an illness or is that child just stressed out, I don't know. We are all stressed out and the kids are no exception. I can't even comfort her right now, what I want is to crawl in the bed with her and hold her and sleep it all off, both of us just sleep and cry, but I can't. She may be contagious if it is a bug or sickness and with Michaels white counts being at 0.38 this morning I can not take the chance of carring it back to him.

I need to be at work getting another day of pay on that check, I can not afford to be here on a day like today, but what do I do. Even if Michael was doing well and Meredith was not sick, my body is wore down, this 5 days at the hospital and him being so sick, and the house, and lawyers and the kids and the worry and the arguing and the lack of sleep. Plus I have not been to the gym and I am stress eating for sure. I am all out of wack, things are just so , well they are just so.

I need a hug, but I don't like to be touched, if I get hugged I cry, I don't wanna cry. I need to feel so not alone and I know I am not, I have people, I have good people who are supportive, like most of you reading this, but I still feel alone. I could use Gilda's tonite, but he is sick and I won't go beause so much is going on, but still it is nice to know they are there.

I am needed every where and I need to be every where and How do you decide what is more important! The husband, the kids, making money?!? All of them are important.

Now on top of all the rest, I have to try and find a place to live. I won't go in to all that again, but rest assured very few people will have the address!!!!

We will one day get our happy back....................... I hope!